my new fear......

It's 8:49am and I'm sitting on my bed looking at my legs. Once able to lift my massive frame and and many a massive bags of laundry. Once able to run around all day playing handball way to horribly for words. Once able to haul ass when a fat dude needed to move. Once able to stand and walk for hours on end at work only to run from one job to the next to do it all again, getting zero sleep leaving me standing in the street wobbling like the last dope head in a hurricane........... My fear is that I will never regain that strength in my legs, that I won't be able to these things and more. You may ask what is wrong? or what can be done? I don't know. I'm 30 years old and waaaayyy too many hundred pounds, yet I feel like I don't deserve this. Now I don't wish bad things on people, well the occasional wish of diarrhea on some people from time to time but that's it. I mean come there are way more deserving people of things like this. I can't go outside and run around in the park with my 5 year old son. The fact of the matter is, I don't know how to fix this and that's even scarier. I will get past this. I will heal.I will be more healthier. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..............