Thinkin' thinkin' thinkin'

In the past few days alot has happened in my life. Since this is my blog you are gonna read about it, or not. Well for starters I have received a notice for a position that I was tested for a year ago, it's not a definate thing but it's a chance. I'm getting ready for that upcoming appointment. Also today I went to my doctor's appointment for my legs. I found I actually lost 11lbs, and that I didn't have an arthritis issue. The doctor told my that it was Gout, I know gross. That's right I have uric-acid crystals in my blood stream and in my joints, I have pee crystals in my legs. AAAAAAHHHHH!!! That's sooooo gross. The coolest thing is since the whole hospital thing I have been eating better and I stopped eating late. I was cleared for the gym which I will be hitting tomorrow, and I will be returning to work very soon. Booooo! I really enjoyed being home with my son and sleeping at night. I know it's gonna be rough going back to that graveyard shift schedule. Yuck. One more thing happened in the doctors appointment, my doctor set me up with a medical doctors appointment in hope that the medical doctor can start me on the path for (dramatic music) Weight Loss Surgery. Assuming I wanna still go through it. With all that I have been thinking (pause as I break into a Macho Man Randy Savage impression) thinkin' thinkin'. Oohhh Yeah! Dig it! I hope I make the right decision. Pray for me guys. My next blog will be funnier I promise.

my new fear......

It's 8:49am and I'm sitting on my bed looking at my legs. Once able to lift my massive frame and and many a massive bags of laundry. Once able to run around all day playing handball way to horribly for words. Once able to haul ass when a fat dude needed to move. Once able to stand and walk for hours on end at work only to run from one job to the next to do it all again, getting zero sleep leaving me standing in the street wobbling like the last dope head in a hurricane........... My fear is that I will never regain that strength in my legs, that I won't be able to these things and more. You may ask what is wrong? or what can be done? I don't know. I'm 30 years old and waaaayyy too many hundred pounds, yet I feel like I don't deserve this. Now I don't wish bad things on people, well the occasional wish of diarrhea on some people from time to time but that's it. I mean come there are way more deserving people of things like this. I can't go outside and run around in the park with my 5 year old son. The fact of the matter is, I don't know how to fix this and that's even scarier. I will get past this. I will heal.I will be more healthier. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..............